There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
