I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
