nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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