I don't usually arrange sex via text message
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
