two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
