I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
