Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
