Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
