my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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