Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
