Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
