When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
