Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
