lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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