i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
