I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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