Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
