is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
