Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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