I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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