It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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