I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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