My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
