also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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