Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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