Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
