Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
