I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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