We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
