Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
