I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
