I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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