she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If I die, sorry about rent.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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