Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
