I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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