My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
