My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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