Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
