Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just found puke in my bra..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
