I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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