Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
