I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
