70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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