i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
