can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
