I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
