Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
