I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
