too bad you live with your parents still
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
