Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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