I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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