i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
