I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just want nice things and good sex
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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