OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize