need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
