we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
