you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
