Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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