What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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