Pants 0. Shit 1.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
