I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
