Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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