So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
