Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
