mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
