She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
