true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
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