I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize