this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
