I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
