I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
