This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Randomize
