wakey wakey hands off snakey
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize