when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
