oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
