hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
