too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
