I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize