I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
