How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
