I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
